Another method of so-called discipline that doesn't "work."

This article seems to have some good insights, and at first blush appears to be attachment conscious, but I'm afraid after all is said and done, it does rather miss the point.

The problem isn't the mother's failure or inability to understand how unpleasant it is to wait, or feel hungry, or tired, or bored, or hot, etc. She's human--she's felt all these things. The problem isn't that the children are undisciplined or that the mother lacks planning abilities. All these factors may be true, but as problematic as they may be, they are mere symptoms of a disease, which in no way will be remedied by the forewarning of consequences, or the right kind of threat, or a spanking, or a snack, or a nap, as the author of the article suggests (though some of these tactics may "work" for a quick fix in the moment).

The root of this problem, plain and simple, is that the relationship is not working for either the mother or the children. There exists no secure attachment between these children and their mother. (Of course, I realize I can't actually know that for sure, not having a relationship with either the mother in the post or its author, but based on my own experience I can guarantee it's a likely possibility, and for the purpose of making my point, I'll assume this is the case.) When Mother is not attuned to her children's interior lives, children, feeling this disconnection, tend not to be oriented by faith (i.e., trust, confidence) toward pleasing her. This mother, and very probably the mother writing about her, fails to grasp wherein lies a parent's power to woo the hearts of her children. It is not in bullying them, or outwitting them, or even in becoming an excellent planner-aheader, for all these "techniques" have their limitations and are not suited to every possible scenario. Her power to parent, like the Christian's power to draw others to Christ, resides in the faith, hope and charity that binds together--and to God--souls who have transcended the squalor of servile fear.

All parents have the power to woo the hearts of their children, but unless they realize it, and conquer their fear of it, it is useless to them--even counterproductive. In their fear of being manipulated, parents teach their children to be manipulative; in their fear of being bullied, they make victims of their children, and in their fear of being victimized they make bullies of their children; in their fear of being humiliated they provoke their children to pride; in their fear of being slaves to their children, they make of their children and of themselves slaves to their passions; and in their fear of The Cross, they make worldlings of their children and themselves. And how do they do this? By judging external appearances as the world does (“Vanity of vanities…”), and failing to communicate love to these little ones, rather than by disposing themselves to glimpse through God’s eyes the brilliance of the Blessed Trinity in the souls of His children, and radiating to them the grace Christ won for us through His Passion, becoming instruments of His mercy and justice at once. (How can one possibly see the Blessed Trinity in a child they refer to as a "brat?")

This is wherein virtue lies--for parent and child. Not in scolding, threatening, bribing, spanking or time-out. Virtue springs from charity, which must be communicated to the beloved, not just felt or willed by the lover. Love which is not communicated is like the grain of wheat that does not die. It remains always and only a grain of wheat. But even a grain of wheat that dies, can become Christ communicated. How much greater than a grain of wheat is a soul in the state of grace? Through the grace of the sacraments, every baptized soul has the power to love as Christ loves, which is scary because that also means to suffer as Christ suffered--especially humiliation, for without humility there is no virtue. But it can be done! When parents overcome their fear of their children's dependence on them, their littleness, their seemingly insatiable need for unconditional love that is known and felt, embracing every single suffering of their lives, past, present and future, they can hope to love as Christ loves, which is the only kind of love our children can benefit from? If we wish to make disciples of our children we must love them as Christ loves them. And preying on their fear of suffering in order to put an end to ours just isn't cutting it.

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Catholic Attachment Parenting

A philosophy of parenting modeled after the self-donative love exemplified in the relationship between Mary and Jesus.

1 Jn 4:18

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and he who fears is not perfected in love."

Luke 1:17

" turn the hearts of the parents toward their children..."